Best Friends for Life.... To Crystal and CJ

I'm feeling reminiscent about my life after reading a tribute to my son's friend he lost to cancer. He lost Hudson to cancer at a young age, I lost Crystal and CJ when I was young to a drunk driver.

Hudson Steele was lost when my son, Sam, was in the 7th grade. He battled brain cancer vailiantly and his classmates fought along his side. He will always be remembered by his friends. Sam will never forget Hudson. He remembers Hudson just as I will always remember Crystal. I feel like maybe God prepared me to teach my child how to deal with loss. I still wasn't completely ready but I did have a head's up on the rest of our class. That's all because of Crystal and CJ.

When I was 11 years old my life changed unexpectedly. I was about to start 6th grade at a new and different school. I was nervous and excited at the same time. My best friend, Crystal was nervous and excited too. We were excited about "middle school" but were desperately worried about having to change classes for the first time.

Registration was tomorrow. I will always think of it like that. Registration was the day after Crystal died. For me there is life before Crystal and life after Crystal.

Back to life before Crystal died..... I was so excited and so was my best friend. We had talked about how nervous and excited we were at Sunday school the day before.We talked about who we would love to be in our classes and we talked about who we wanted to be our home room teachers. We desperately wanted to be in the same homeroom. We talked about buying our school supplies. I had a 3D bubble binder (it's funny the things you remember). She thought that was really cool (I had made a "friends" tab in that binder where I was going to write birthdays of all my friends... I'd already filled hers in, April 1.) We talked on the phone that afternoon as we got our school supplies in order. We were excited to officially have lockers and change classes. We were gonna do it together.

The very day that we talked about how nervous we were, she was taken from me. We left church that morning excited and happy and she left her house to go to church that evening and never went anywhere else.

She and her brother were never to go anywhere ever again because some guy got too drunk and decided to drive for another drink. He decided what he had was not enough and in the process it was decided that they were less than his buzz. Crystal and CJ deserved so much more. He went for another drink and decided that anyone on the road was less than he was. He decided that Crystal and CJ and their family wasn't important.

Crystal and her brother, CJ, were so much more than what that drunk driver thought they were. They deserved a chance at life and a drunk driver stole that from them. They deserved to be able to celebrate their 12th and 10th birthdays. They deserved to go on their first date. They deserved a first kiss. They deserved a prom. They deserved to graduate. They deserved to fall in love.They deserved to get married to the loves of their lives and have bunches of babies. They deserved it all.  All of that was stolen in an instant by a man that couldn't even think for himself.

I deserved my best friend for the rest of my life. I deserved her annoying little brother who I loved just as much as I loved my own brother. Their parents deserved to see their children grow to adulthood. Crystal and CJ deserved to live a full and fulfilling life. Their friends and family deserved the chance to witness that long and happy life. Those lives were stolen from me and all their friends and family.

Today would have been CJ's 32nd birthday. I can imagine he would have had a family of his own by now. He was such a charmer. All of Crystal's friend's (me more than any) loved him dearly. He was a sweet talker even at his young age. He called me "Heaver" and I always loved him like a little brother.

Crystal was my best friend. She will always be my best friend. There isn't a day that passes that she isn't on my heart. I think of her every single day. I thought of her the day I got my first kiss. She was in my thoughts when I first fell in love. She was with me when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I felt her presence when I felt my first heartache. She was there all along. She is still with me today.  She influences my writing. She influences my song. She will always be in my thoughts. I will never forget my friend, Crystal Michelle. There's not been a day since she left this earth that she hasn't been with me. I know she's waiting for me when this earth is done with my body. She will always be my best friend.... no one has ever compared to her in the 23 years since she has been gone.

I will NEVER stop missing her or her brother. They will live through me forever and I hope that I make them proud of me. I miss them both so much.

This past weekend my child went to his first prom. She would have been there for me. She would have been the one that I sent pictures to. She would have been there from the time he was in diapers to the time I was helping him into his tux. She will always be there in my mind. I miss her so. I miss her smile. I miss the way she laughs. I miss the way she would look at me when she knew I was holding something back. I miss the way she would laugh out loud when she knew I was telling the truth.  I will never forget her beautiful face. I will never forget her laugh. I will never forget her.

I won't forget CJ either. He wasn't there for the heart to heart's but he was there for the clubhouse's in the woods. He was there for the random basketball games. He was there for the MLB on old nintendo or to tell me how the Celtics were doing in the NBA. He was my best friend's little brother and I miss him too. Everyday. Today was his birthday. I know it was a great one in the arms of My savior. I can't wait to see him again and hear him say "We've been waiting for you, Heaver."

Until we meet again my best friends for life, my Crystal and my CJ. I love you still.

" Do not let your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms, if it were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And, If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:1-3