I'm glad I wrote my previous entries before I had the operation. I honestly haven't had time to sit down and gather my thoughts since the surgery. It's crazy how much time I wasted before sitting on the couch, binge watching TV, and stuffing my face with crap. I planned my grocery trips around lunch time so that I could stop and get fast food on the way home. Some days I would go back to bed after the kids left for school and sleep until almost lunch time. I had zero energy. I hurt all over some days. My joints ached, my back hurt, I had this generalized malaise that was debilitating some days. My feet and legs would swell during the day and ache all night long keeping me awake most nights.
Days after I started the pre-op liquid diet these symptoms began to subside. I went into surgery already feeling the beginnings of a new person. It was what got me through those hunger filled days of one liquid supplement after another. It felt good to detox my body of sugar and caffeine and other garbage that fills the tasty foods we love.
The first week following surgery was a learning process. I wasn't hungry at all. I had to set an alarm on my phone to remind me to sip water or eat a popcicle. The fourth day post I was so excited to be able to drink a protein shake again. I felt like I was ready for something with some calories and nutrients. This was the first and I think the only time that my new stomach has said "SLOW DOWN SALLY!" After one big gulp I knew that was it and I was done. I learned really quick to take it slow and listen to my body.
Adding foods back after the full liquid phase was easy. It didn't take long to find a routine and find foods that my stomach approved of. I do have to be very careful not to munch on chex mix, crackers, chips, etc. Those foods are referred to as "sliders" because they dissolve quickly after entering the stomach and you never feel the full feeling after eating those. I quickly removed most of these from my pantry. I'm still weak in the temptation department and I've found I just can't have those things around.
The funny thing is, the kids haven't noticed. They ate those things too because they were there. Since surgery the entire family has adapted to my new lifestyle. There's healthier things available for them now. My daughter eats a fruit salad after school instead of a bag of cheetos. My boys love the quick protein options that I keep on hand (boiled eggs, turkey, chicken, almonds, string cheese). I worried a lot about cooking meals for the whole family but that hasn't been a problem either. I enjoy cooking just as much as I ever did. I have modified our routine menu though. There's lots less fried chicken and pasta bakes and lots more baked and grilled lean meats and fresh veggie sautees. So far I haven't heard any complaints from my crew.
Exercise is essential for me. I'm sure some people can have this surgery and never sweat a drop but I am NOT one of those people. I didn't like getting off the couch to walk to the fridge before this surgery. Now, I am miserable when I don't get my work out in. I know, I used to roll my eyes when I heard people say stuff like that too. But, I'm telling you it's the truth. Exercise gets oxygen to all your tissues and promotes healing. Exercise also releases endorphins that mimic the ones that your body releases when you eat those foods that you love. When I have the munchies exercise helps curb those cravings. And when I have put in my work out for the day I don't feel so bad about a few extra calories. Our bodies were really truly made to move and I'm learning more about that every day.
You can't go through this journey alone. Family support is critical. In the moments that I struggle with anxiety or body image issues it's so beneficial to be able to talk to my husband or my sisters or mother. They know exactly what I need to hear. The online support groups have also wonderful for me. There is one group that is strictly composed of people that had surgery within the same three month time frame of each other. It's so helpful to be able to talk to people going through the process at the same time as I am. I'm a two and a half hour trip from my doctors office so I haven't been able to attend the support group meetings there. I will warn, you have to be knowledgeable of your own doctor's recommendation when you are active in an online group. Just because someone in California is able to eat eggs and grits the first week does not mean that you should. When in doubt always contact your doctors office.
Speaking of that, I can't say enough about how wonderful my doctor is. Any question I have I can send him a message on facebook and he responds within the hour. I've only had to take advantage of this service once or twice but it's awesome that he makes himself available to his patients like that.
Pictures and measurements are SO important. There are days, like today in particular, that I feel pretty down. The scale hasn't moved as quickly as I want it to over the past week. I'm having some water retention probably hormonal but frustrating nonetheless. I take a profile pic every Tuesday and take measurements the same day. So when I bounce around a number on the scale I can look at those "before and after" pics and measurements and it's proof that I am making progress. It's so funny, I'll take the pic and my first response is "ugh, look at my belly." or " my arms are huge." But then I sit down with my phone and put it side by side with that picture from the day before surgery and I truly see how far I have come. It's crazy how much satisfaction there is in that, just knowing that your hard work is making a difference.I have to remember that it took me 8 years to get to my highest weight. Part of your brain expects to see a difference the day you wake up from surgery. I know that's not how it works but a tiny part of you feels like it should be how it works. On the days that the scale hasn't moved I always ask myself if I have done what I'm supposed to do. If the answer is yes then I suck it up and move on. If the answer is no I change whatever I need to change to make the next day better. Everyone says "it's not a race"... and that may be true, but I choose to think of it as one of those endurance races. You have to pace yourself, listen to your body, and make the necessary adjustments along the way.
Above all, the most important thing that has gotten me through this journey so far is prayer. The liquid diet pre op was a struggle. Its the closest thing to a fast that I've ever done in my life. There's something to be said about overcoming the hunger and finding peace. In those moments of frustration, desperation, depression, anxiety, God is there for me. He hears my cries and he calms my spirit. He's there to celebrate my victories and fortify my resolve. This journey has tested and strengthened my faith and I'm so grateful for all that I have learned. On a lighter note, sometimes the only thing that can save you from a Poundcake is to whisper the name of Jesus. He hears the cries of His people from the big things to the little things. Romans 8:26 is one of my favorites, "In the same way the Spirit joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings."
The response to my journal of this process has been overwhelming. Friends, new and old, have reached out to me with their own struggles or support and it has fortified my spirit immensely. Thank you so much for all your sweet and encouraging comments.
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