The Ghosts of Christmas Past

I packed my Christmas stuff up today. I swear I just got the stuff out of the closet a week ago. Kind of makes me feel bad for trash talking all those crazy Christmas loving friends of mine that break out the decorations a week or two before Thanksgiving.

Anyway... It made me feel sad. 

1985 - I was the curly red head cheesing in the top left.

I remember waking up everyday and knowing exactly how many more sleeps til Christmas morning. I remember making my list and then rethinking my list and making a new list.  I remember my Granny telling me how she saw santa when she was sick on her couch as a little girl. I remember me and my brother hearing the jingle bells. I remember sitting in my daddy's chair and staring at the loads of gifts that santa had brought and wondering how in the world he got all those gifts down the chimney. 

I remember getting a little less excited after I finally realized the truth about Santa. I remember being excited about knowing something my brother didn't. I remember realizing later that my brother knew how to milk the "Last kid that doesn't know about Santa" status so that we all treated him extra special. I remember KNOWING that he knew but being too scared to tell him for sure. 

After my brother found out Christmas became a blur. Years passed and we didn't rush to the tree on Christmas morning anymore. We slept in. We got our presents on Christmas eve instead. Christmas lost it's excitement.

Then my kids came along. Even with the first one, Santa came. My son was 8 months old and I remember panicking because I had fallen asleep after feeding him and had to rush to put the toys out.  Two or three years later and it really started getting fun... I had two kids that totally believed that Santa would put them on the naughty list in an instant. I had the North Pole on speed dial. The kids were petrified and mesmerized at the same time. It was fun to be an elf.

Two little boys kept Santa (me) busy. I loved the tonka trucks and thomas trains and hot wheels tracks that came every year. It was just me and my two boys for a few  Christmasses and those were especially sweet. But slowly the tank engines and tonka trucks turned into Mp3 players and BB guns... shortly after that stuff started to change and Christmas got fast again.

2009 - The Last Year They All Believed

My oldest found out that there wasn't a Santa in 2010. He's such a good brother that he never let his younger brother know. We had two or three more exciting years of AirSoft guns and AirHog Flyers before we had to break it to the middle child. The tooth fairy forgot to come... two nights in a row. The kid was getting a complex. I had to tell him. "So... there's no Easter Bunny either?" was his response.  And then "What about Snoopy? (our elf)" It was rough for the poor middle child.

At least we still had the youngest--Our very own Cindy Lou Who. She is babied by all the family. We've had baby dolls and strollers, play kitchens and play houses, barbie dolls with dream houses, and all the fun girly stuff in between. She's the last believer on her daddy's side of the family. Every adult dotes on her and rubs her curls and asks what Santa's bringing. She gets embarrassed and shrugs and says "I don't know." It makes my heart smile. It also makes me sad.

What happened to those years that her older brothers shrugged and got embarrassed and told the grown-ups that they didn't know what Santa was bringing? What happened to hand written letters to Santa that are now replaced with a digital list? What happened to my babies?

On the same note... What happened to the little curly red head that stayed up as long as she could on Christmas eve listening out for sleigh bells? What happened to the days when me and my brother rushed into our sister's rooms and begged them to get up and open presents? How in the world have the minutes and hours gotten shorter?? Why can't I stop these memories and rewind? When did my world filled with firsts (first steps, first christmas, first tooth) become a world filled with lasts (last baby, last diaper, last kid who believes)?

I pondered these things as I packed it all away again... I carefully placed all the ornaments back in their boxes, tissue in between, so that I can remember Christmas past again next year. I hope I remember to slow down next year. I hope I remember to lay down with my head under the tree and look up at the lights and make my wishes to Santa. I hope I remember to make my kids participate in the "cheezy" family traditions that they act like they hate. I hope I get more pictures. I hope that our minutes don't get any shorter. Or at least that I can remember every second of every minute with these precious souls that God has given me.

2014 They rolled their eyes and fought and complained and giggled and I wouldn't trade this moment for the world!!

***NOTE: Before the hate thoughts... please rest assured that I do teach my kids about Jesus. They know Luke 2 by heart. They also know to believe in things unseen and to have faith and to enjoy the magic of the celebration of Christmas. So... there....