This has been my hardest week by far. I hit my lowest weight in five years last week. I was happy. How do you normally celebrate a big accomplishment? I don't know about the rest of the world but around here we celebrate with food. We eat, drink and are merry.... that is until the shame of the Monday morning weigh in sets in.
Thursday I weighed 268... Monday morning I weighed 272.4. Reality check for table one please. I attibute this gain to a few things... I ate pork twice this weekend. Ribs one night, butt the next. Pork and my mama's genetics for hypertension do not mix... lesson learned. Secondly, I didn't work out... not one day. Friday was busy and I didn't have time. Saturday, I was just plain lazy. Sunday, I was just plain lazy. I felt awful about it... Really, I did. But feeling awful, unfortunately, does not burn calories. Lastly, I fell back in to my old habits. I celebrated my four pounds right back on. For instance, Mother's Day was Sunday. I ate fried chicken, homemade mac and cheese, deviled eggs, potato salad... the whole southern spread. Granted, I didn't eat as much as I used to. I ate a fraction of what the old Heather would eat. But I ate more than what the new Heather should have. Plus, I topped it off with pound cake, ice cream and strawberries. Yes, I said pound cake.
I realize my mistakes in there. I always have. The new Heather felt invincible going in to the mother's day celebration. The New Heather was working out and losing weight. The New Heather deserved a day off. The New Heather DESERVED POUND CAKE!
I know it doesn't work that way but I sure wish it did. And since it doesn't the NEW heather is faced with a four pound gain in one weekend.
That would be fine... except for the next challenge that "the new Heather" must face... The End of the School Year.
Monday was ok... I had to take the oldest child to the doctor. He had fast food for lunch. I had a grilled chicken breast. I sent him away to school when we got home. I was too tired to work out. I cleaned house and picked up the middle and youngest. I was still depressed from the morning scale report.
Tuesday was field trip day with the youngest. Active day ahead. I packed my cooler full of water and protein supplement. I packed a protein bar in my purse. I was prepared. Lunch was provided. Lunch was a personal pan cheese pizza, gummy candy, and a coke.... a regular coke, not a water or a diet... just coke. Thanks. I ate my protein bar and drank my water, that I had artfully smuggled in via my purse. I politely refused my soda and gave my pizza to one of the especially hungry second grade boys. That was all fine and good until I wandered down to the first floor of the place and discovered a subway, a build a bowl salad workshop, and a smoothie station. Why weren't these places offered in the discount student pricing? Why do we insist on feeding our children and their parents processed crap that no one really needs in their bodies? Anyway, thank goodness for protein bars.... but.... the second part of the field trip did me in.
Krispy Kreme. That's the rally call for fat people everywhere. Krispy Kreme. It's melodious sound brings our blood sugars up with just the alliteration of the name. We pawn their sugary treats off in the name of fundraising. It's diabetes for a good cause. Krispy Kreme was our second grade class's second stop on the end of the year field trip.
We were there to observe how an assembly line worked. This is good in theory. They have open access to the assembly line. However, the sugar starved second graders are much more interested in buying their donut from the counter than watching the donuts on the assembly line. It would be a much better lesson in economics than in production.
The Krispy Kreme field trip added an assorted dozen to my weight loss struggle. After that, a mom trip to Starbucks was added just for an extra dose of temptation. I succumbed to a Chocolate covered Kreme filled.... I refused a Starbucks calorie filled concoction. Felt like a half-win... not a total loss in other words.
The next day I woke up with a new resolve. It lasted until my neighbor called to invite me to a pizza by the pool lunch for another friend. I accepted the invitation and luckily there was salad to go with the pizza. Some one was thinking of my new bariatric life. I ate the pizza and survived... but none of this rich food was helping me get rid of that extra four pounds.
In the midst of all that celebrating I had not had time to work out. I learned early on that without sweat none of my weight loss was possible. This was affirmed during this week of celebrating. If I don't want to work, I will not lose. Take that, people that say this is the easy way out. It most certainly is the hardest thing I have ever done.
To top it all off my hair is falling out. It's falling out in handfuls. They say it happens if you don't get enough protein. I am getting my protein. They say it happens if you don't take your biotin. I'm taking my biotin. I'm using expensive shampoo and not using my hair dryer excessively but still my hair is leaving at a rapid pace. I don't know what else to do but to wait until it starts to come back. Hell, I'd rather be healthy and skinny and bald than sick and fat with a full head of hair. Bring it on, hair loss. I'm ready.
Today I weighed in at my lowest weight. It took me almost a week but here I am again. It wasn't an easy week. I was stressed, I was moody, I was craving my favorite foods, I was sad that I couldn't have what I wanted, and I was depressed that I couldn't just be born skinny.
It was a hard week emotionally and I haven't even covered the tip of it... but I sit here tonight and I can see where I messed up and I can see where next time I will do better. I'm learning as I go and I am so pleased with how far I have come. I can only sit and look forward to where I will go from here.
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