Since I've started organizing and jotting down my thoughts on this page I have noticed that I pick up on little things in my day to day life and think, "oooh! I can write about that." I'll start the first paragraph off in my head and then by the time I sit down at the keyboard I can't remember what the inspiration was or where I was going to go with it. My six year old tells me my brain is "mixed up."
I suppose she's right. I once read in a parenting magazine that after you become a mother, a quarter of your brain function is always focused on that child whether you realize it or not. Like mothers are always subconsciously aware of where their child is, whether or not they are hungry, whether they need a bath, whether or not they are safe. It's a constant replay in the back of our maternal brains. This may be absolute hooey but I tend to agree, based on my own mental decline since the births of my three.
I even wonder sometimes if the amount of brain function dedicated to children increases along with each child you have. My mother had four. If you "lose" a quarter for each child that you have... well, you do the math. So I guess, considering we all were raised to adulthood and she's not in an institution (yet) that you retain a little bit of your brain no matter how many children you have. I will say this, I see some mothers of five or six that seem to have it more together than those with one, or me, with three, so maybe it's just a myth. Regardless, I will continue to use it as my excuse when a six year old tells me that I'm losing it.
Which brings me back to what I sat down to write about in the first place. With parenting there are lots of times when you can take the lazy approach and use the "Do as I say, Not as I do."- approach. Any seasoned parent will tell you that this won't work in the long run. It really, always, comes back to haunt you. Our pastor talked about spiritual parents last night and there's a verse in Corinthians that really hit home with me.
Paul was writing to the church at Corinth and was getting around (in that eloquent way that Paul had) to jerking them up by the collar. They were really heading down the wrong path. Since Paul had led most of these people to Jesus he felt responsible for them in their spiritual walk. He was their spiritual father. So when he heard that they were doing wrong he reached out. He corrected them. But before he got around to the individual offenses he told them to imitate him (1 Cor 4:16).
I'm sitting there and Pastor John is moving on with our Bible study and all I can think is "Wow!" How many of us are so self assured in our own walk with Jesus that we can ask other believers to watch us and do as we do. I'm sure Paul was. He wrote a lot about his change and his new life. He was so sure that he was doing what God intended for his life that he encouraged his pupils to imitate him. He was also sure that Timothy, the young protege, would be a good example to them as well. Sure enough, that he sent Timothy in his stead.
Now, I'm no Paul. I'm no pastor. I'm still a work in progress, but this one simple verse has inspired me to hold my life to a higher standard. I want to be a Christian that my children can imitate. I pray that other Christians will hold me accountable and lead me in the right direction. We have to look out for each other, we have to make sure that there are no dark corners in our lives. We have to lead lives filled with grace and free of sin. We need to be pure enough that our own spiritual children, the ones that we lead to Christ, can imitate us on their own journey with God.
It's a HUGE responsibility. It's a day by day commitment. It's not going to be easy for me. Especially since my brain is mixed up and all, but I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it for Sam, and Nolan, and Emily, and I'm going to do it for Heather. No matter how much of my brain is occupied else where, I can rest assured that God is working on part of it too. He will teach me until I am ready, and he won't give up until I am blameless.
"I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in Him you have been enriched in every way - with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge-- God thus confirming our testimony about Christ among you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will also keep you firm to the end. So that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ."
1 Corinthians 1:4-8
Monday, March 17, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
Don't Fake It Til You Make It!
Fake it 'til you make it.
These were the battle cries of my nursing education. In many cases they worked. I could convince people that I was equally convinced of certain patients' diagnoses. I could often say I was efficient in IV Initiaton and then "try three times and out." It worked up until I was successful in starting one. Honestly, IV's didn't take that long. I was trained and prepared for those.
Unfortunately, the "fake it til you make it" philosophy would only get you so far. Eventually, you HAD to make it. There was NO more faking it after a certain point. I assume this point was different for each nurse. I remember well when mine was.
I had a fifty something female surgical patient. I had been nursing on the med surge floor for about a year at this point and I felt completely sure of my self. My patient was ordered a foley catheter as part of her AM surgical prep. I confidently secured the catheter kit from the supply room. I took it to the patients bedside.
at 5am I woke the patient and confidently explained what was about to happen to her. I walked out feeling 100% sure that I could accomplish my goal. I was a registered nurse now. School was in my past. So what if I had never started a catheter on a female. It was something a nurse should know how to do. No need to be nervous.
I went into my patients room and brought a CNA with me. I told her what we were there to do and I confidently swept her bedsheets back. She spread her legs as instructed and I opened my catheter kit as i was trained. I prepared her sterile field and I froze. I took the catheter out of the box and contemplated where I could put it. The patient tried to help, she really did but I was too proud to accept any help. I insisted that I knew what I was doing. I was determined to fake it until I made it.
Unfortunately for the patient, my stubbornness ended up in a couple of unsuccessful catheter attempts. I had to eat crow and ask the oncoming day-shift nurse for assistance. She was a seasoned nurse and after one look at the patients' chart she looked at me and said, "come on then, I'm not doing this on my own." We went in and this seasoned nurse explained to me, step by step, what she was doing, and why she was doing it, and where she was putting things. I watched, amazed, and saw my first ever female urinary catherization.
"Fake it til you make it" is a phrase that's widely used in many technical college programs. I'm sure that, as it was proved with me, eventually you will have to MAKE it. The phrase says you will. I was unprepared in my moment of making it. I don't blame it on poor teaching, I had some of the best in the state. I blame it on my own lack of preparedness. I wasn't ready to make it.
More importantly, I wasn't ready to admit that I needed help. I needed to admit that I wasn't able to "fake" it anymore. It was the worst thing that any graduate nurse had to do. I had to humble myself to the mercy of the seasoned older nurse. I had to let her teach me. After that incident I never had to ask anyone to help me cath again. In fact, I became the nurse people called to help out when they couldn't cath a patient.
So this got me to thinking about a couple of things.....
1) "Fake it till you make it doesn't work with God" It didn't work with my senior nurse, It's not gonna work with God. He knows what our works mean. No matter how many good works we do, If we aren't doing it because we trust in Jesus then our works don't matter. There is no such thing as faking it til you make it for salvation. Faking it means an eternity in hell. We all know you don't want that. Please contact me to find out how to find salvation.
2) Don't be afraid to ask for help! I'm sure that my patient would have loved me a whole lot more had I stopped prodding her with that 14fr foley and asked a more competent nurse for help!! Instead of putting her care first, I put my pride first and refused to ask for help until the absolute last minute. I even blamed my failure on the patient and pretended that it was somehow her fault that I couldn't get the cath. If I had asked for help from the beginning I would have learned to trust my mentors on my own shift. I would have learned that I was not the only one that didn't know EVERYthing from the get-go. I would have learned the importance of asking for help before my patient suffered. Same thing in my Christian life. If I had asked for help when I knew I was failing, instead of relying on my own merits to get me out of trouble; I would have come to understand God's unfailing forgiveness and his own sacrifice through His son Jesus. I would have known, sooner, that I could learn from my mistakes, and even better, I could be forgiven for my failures...... and that was the greatest lesson of all.
These were the battle cries of my nursing education. In many cases they worked. I could convince people that I was equally convinced of certain patients' diagnoses. I could often say I was efficient in IV Initiaton and then "try three times and out." It worked up until I was successful in starting one. Honestly, IV's didn't take that long. I was trained and prepared for those.
Unfortunately, the "fake it til you make it" philosophy would only get you so far. Eventually, you HAD to make it. There was NO more faking it after a certain point. I assume this point was different for each nurse. I remember well when mine was.
I had a fifty something female surgical patient. I had been nursing on the med surge floor for about a year at this point and I felt completely sure of my self. My patient was ordered a foley catheter as part of her AM surgical prep. I confidently secured the catheter kit from the supply room. I took it to the patients bedside.
at 5am I woke the patient and confidently explained what was about to happen to her. I walked out feeling 100% sure that I could accomplish my goal. I was a registered nurse now. School was in my past. So what if I had never started a catheter on a female. It was something a nurse should know how to do. No need to be nervous.
I went into my patients room and brought a CNA with me. I told her what we were there to do and I confidently swept her bedsheets back. She spread her legs as instructed and I opened my catheter kit as i was trained. I prepared her sterile field and I froze. I took the catheter out of the box and contemplated where I could put it. The patient tried to help, she really did but I was too proud to accept any help. I insisted that I knew what I was doing. I was determined to fake it until I made it.
Unfortunately for the patient, my stubbornness ended up in a couple of unsuccessful catheter attempts. I had to eat crow and ask the oncoming day-shift nurse for assistance. She was a seasoned nurse and after one look at the patients' chart she looked at me and said, "come on then, I'm not doing this on my own." We went in and this seasoned nurse explained to me, step by step, what she was doing, and why she was doing it, and where she was putting things. I watched, amazed, and saw my first ever female urinary catherization.
"Fake it til you make it" is a phrase that's widely used in many technical college programs. I'm sure that, as it was proved with me, eventually you will have to MAKE it. The phrase says you will. I was unprepared in my moment of making it. I don't blame it on poor teaching, I had some of the best in the state. I blame it on my own lack of preparedness. I wasn't ready to make it.
More importantly, I wasn't ready to admit that I needed help. I needed to admit that I wasn't able to "fake" it anymore. It was the worst thing that any graduate nurse had to do. I had to humble myself to the mercy of the seasoned older nurse. I had to let her teach me. After that incident I never had to ask anyone to help me cath again. In fact, I became the nurse people called to help out when they couldn't cath a patient.
So this got me to thinking about a couple of things.....
1) "Fake it till you make it doesn't work with God" It didn't work with my senior nurse, It's not gonna work with God. He knows what our works mean. No matter how many good works we do, If we aren't doing it because we trust in Jesus then our works don't matter. There is no such thing as faking it til you make it for salvation. Faking it means an eternity in hell. We all know you don't want that. Please contact me to find out how to find salvation.
2) Don't be afraid to ask for help! I'm sure that my patient would have loved me a whole lot more had I stopped prodding her with that 14fr foley and asked a more competent nurse for help!! Instead of putting her care first, I put my pride first and refused to ask for help until the absolute last minute. I even blamed my failure on the patient and pretended that it was somehow her fault that I couldn't get the cath. If I had asked for help from the beginning I would have learned to trust my mentors on my own shift. I would have learned that I was not the only one that didn't know EVERYthing from the get-go. I would have learned the importance of asking for help before my patient suffered. Same thing in my Christian life. If I had asked for help when I knew I was failing, instead of relying on my own merits to get me out of trouble; I would have come to understand God's unfailing forgiveness and his own sacrifice through His son Jesus. I would have known, sooner, that I could learn from my mistakes, and even better, I could be forgiven for my failures...... and that was the greatest lesson of all.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
My iPhone is only a NanoSecond Old in the Cosmic Year... whatever that means...
So, I ordered a new phone today. It's only been a couple of years since my last phone. My phone still works fine. But for some strange reason i HAD to have the new phone. My husband got his phone (we are iphone people and i still have a 4s to clear things up) and it's so much faster than mine. He gets his weather radar to pull up a whole second before mine does. His texts come through faster. His safari pages load way faster than mine. When we ask, "Who's that guy? I know he's been in something else...", his IMDB finds the answer before mine even loads the home page.
Two years ago, I had the hot phone. Two years ago no one knew who siri was. Two years ago people asked me to look stuff up to settle arguments. Two years ago my phone was cool.
This got me to thinking.... out of the last two years of my life, the only thing that has stayed true, that has stayed constant, that has not changed, faltered, or failed me, is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I've even got an app on that old iPhone for the Bible. Technology is a rapidly changing monster. I love it because I'm a technogeek, but I still know that God is the greatest creator.
We tuned in to the new show Cosmos the other night. It's a really interesting science show. It's broadcast on network television which is unique because of the barrage of "reality" shows. Tuning in I understood that the show was about the universe: it's infinite reach, it's origin, the earth's place in it. The show did a good job explaining the Big Bang Theory. It also made a jab at Darwin's Theory of Evolution. It never mentioned Creationism, but I've learned that scientists almost NEVER mention Creationism. I watched this and let it go. I can debate a scientist another day.
They focused a lot on the "Cosmic Timeline." The fact that humans have only inhabited the earth less than a minute of the "Cosmic Year." The idea is that the Earth is aged at 6 billion years and humans are aged at less than 10k. We are but a blip on the "cosmic" radar. I understand this from a scientific standpoint, but does it shake my beliefs in God? NO! I'm sure God has answers to these questions and if I am worried about these questions when I meet Him I am sure he will answer for me. (I doubt I'll be worried though!)
The show then moved on to Giordano Bruno, the Italian Astrologer, from the late 1500's. He was burned at the stake for heresy by the Roman Catholic Church. He preached plurality of worlds, that extraterrestrial life exists beyond our solar system. He was way before his time in his beliefs. He knew that the earth rotated the sun and that the moon orbited the earth. He was a smart guy. The church at this time was super suspicious of anything different. You have to remember that the Protestant Reformation was happening almost simultaneously. The old church was burning almost anyone that so much as snickered at the stake; much less, a man who preached that there may be life outside this earthly plane.
I fail to see why Mr. Bruno is relevant to the story. The television series made it out like the priests were evil and sinister. They brandished animated crucifixes on the screen in front of poor innocent Bruno's animated character. They depicted an animated Bruno rising out of his cell, arms stretched out (reminiscent of Jesus on the cross) into the heavens to see the planets as they orbited and solar systems beyond ours. The producer's intent was not lost on me. They wanted Christianity and Creationism, to be depicted as foolishness. They want us to appear to be the bad guys. They want our arguments to seem ridiculous to anyone that considers themselves "educated."
I am educated. I am smart. I was taught about the Big Bang and Darwinism and all the other theories in classroom after classroom. I still believe only one theory holds true; NOT because I'm smart, not because I'm educated. I believe in an almighty Creator because HE makes me BRAVE. I believe because I have FAITH. I believe because I have HOPE in a life after this one. I believe because my life has been CHANGED because I trusted in a SAVIOR who died to set me free. I'm no less smart because I believe. I think I'm smarter because I have something to believe in. If you haven't experienced this hope please contact me and we will talk about it. It's so easy to trust and let God take over. I encourage you to do the same.
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible." Hebrews 11:1-3
Two years ago, I had the hot phone. Two years ago no one knew who siri was. Two years ago people asked me to look stuff up to settle arguments. Two years ago my phone was cool.
This got me to thinking.... out of the last two years of my life, the only thing that has stayed true, that has stayed constant, that has not changed, faltered, or failed me, is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I've even got an app on that old iPhone for the Bible. Technology is a rapidly changing monster. I love it because I'm a technogeek, but I still know that God is the greatest creator.
We tuned in to the new show Cosmos the other night. It's a really interesting science show. It's broadcast on network television which is unique because of the barrage of "reality" shows. Tuning in I understood that the show was about the universe: it's infinite reach, it's origin, the earth's place in it. The show did a good job explaining the Big Bang Theory. It also made a jab at Darwin's Theory of Evolution. It never mentioned Creationism, but I've learned that scientists almost NEVER mention Creationism. I watched this and let it go. I can debate a scientist another day.
They focused a lot on the "Cosmic Timeline." The fact that humans have only inhabited the earth less than a minute of the "Cosmic Year." The idea is that the Earth is aged at 6 billion years and humans are aged at less than 10k. We are but a blip on the "cosmic" radar. I understand this from a scientific standpoint, but does it shake my beliefs in God? NO! I'm sure God has answers to these questions and if I am worried about these questions when I meet Him I am sure he will answer for me. (I doubt I'll be worried though!)
The show then moved on to Giordano Bruno, the Italian Astrologer, from the late 1500's. He was burned at the stake for heresy by the Roman Catholic Church. He preached plurality of worlds, that extraterrestrial life exists beyond our solar system. He was way before his time in his beliefs. He knew that the earth rotated the sun and that the moon orbited the earth. He was a smart guy. The church at this time was super suspicious of anything different. You have to remember that the Protestant Reformation was happening almost simultaneously. The old church was burning almost anyone that so much as snickered at the stake; much less, a man who preached that there may be life outside this earthly plane.
I fail to see why Mr. Bruno is relevant to the story. The television series made it out like the priests were evil and sinister. They brandished animated crucifixes on the screen in front of poor innocent Bruno's animated character. They depicted an animated Bruno rising out of his cell, arms stretched out (reminiscent of Jesus on the cross) into the heavens to see the planets as they orbited and solar systems beyond ours. The producer's intent was not lost on me. They wanted Christianity and Creationism, to be depicted as foolishness. They want us to appear to be the bad guys. They want our arguments to seem ridiculous to anyone that considers themselves "educated."
I am educated. I am smart. I was taught about the Big Bang and Darwinism and all the other theories in classroom after classroom. I still believe only one theory holds true; NOT because I'm smart, not because I'm educated. I believe in an almighty Creator because HE makes me BRAVE. I believe because I have FAITH. I believe because I have HOPE in a life after this one. I believe because my life has been CHANGED because I trusted in a SAVIOR who died to set me free. I'm no less smart because I believe. I think I'm smarter because I have something to believe in. If you haven't experienced this hope please contact me and we will talk about it. It's so easy to trust and let God take over. I encourage you to do the same.
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible." Hebrews 11:1-3
Sunday, March 2, 2014
This is a great blog, for an amateur.....
I sang a special in church this morning. Another lady sang with me. She's an alto usually but for this special she sang the lead soprano and I harmonized in a higher note. I haven't heard a recording, but it sounded pretty good to me. I left the front of the church feeling pretty good about what we had done. Several church members stopped me on the way to my car and told me that they really enjoyed it and that we did great. In a rural southern baptist church, that's as good as a standing ovation. There was one "compliment" that got me to thinking though. Because I know the person that said it, I know that what he said was good as "Way to GO! You were fantastic! I was brought to tears by your voice!" Basically, what he said was as good as I'd ever get from him. He said, "You sounded like you were struggling, but you pulled it off. It was good. I didn't think it would be good but it was. "
"You sounded like you were struggling..." In all my years of singing in public this is a first. And to follow it up with a "...but you pulled it off." What does that even mean???? If you loved it say you loved it. If you hated it, SAY NOTHING!!! I don't mean to be a prima donna but this one small statement has stayed on my mind all day! I don't think I was struggling. It was well within my range. The lady singing with me sounded wonderful and I think our voices blended really well. So, why does this backhanded compliment bother me so much?
It bothers me because it is from someone that I love. It is from someone that I care about greatly. It is from someone whose opinion matters to me. That halfway compliment (or halfway insult depending on how optimistic you are) matters more to me than all the positive affirmations that I can think of.
So, this got me to thinking about other half-hearted, back-handed, passive aggressive compliments I have heard about lately. My sister scrapbooks digitally... she submitted a two page layout to a traditionally paper scrapbook forum and was awarded with "This is really good, for a digital layout." Like, because her layout was done on a computer it is automatically substandard, "But it's still great!"??? Whatever lady. How about, "She looks great, for her age!" or my favorite, "She's got such a pretty face for a fat girl." Or "She's so sweet, it's a shame she's fat." A guy I went on a date with once said, "You are really pretty, I don't care if you are a little big boned" (might I add that I weighed around 130 pounds at the time..... JERK.)
The old southern "get out of jail free phrase" comes to mind... "Bless her heart." It doesn't matter how hateful or brutal you are about someone; follow it with those three little words and suddenly everything is ok. You blessed their heart. You are free from all fall out from the harsh, hateful thing you said.
WRONG.
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I don't know when I heard that first. Maybe it was on a Disney movie.... Maybe it was from a gradeschool teacher. Either way it rings true. Some situations just go better if you don't say a thing. Empathize for a little bit. Imagine if you were the one that worked hard on a project or performance. Imagine if you were the one that was happy to be done and was proud of how it turned out. Imagine how you would feel to hear criticism from the one person you wanted to please.
This morning our Sunday school lesson touched on doing work that is pleasing to God. So it dawned on me this afternoon that my performance wasn't for that person that was negative. My performance was for God's Glory. My performance and all the worship music and instrumentals were for worship. They were for glorifying God. My appearance, my attitude, my work, is all for God's glory. As long as I put my whole heart and soul into what I do, I have no worries. God will be pleased as long as what I do glorifies Him. He's not gonna hand out one of those backhanded compliments. He's gonna say, "well, done Heather, my good and faithful servant." That's all in the world that I need. That's the one affirmation or compliment that I long for.
"For those that live according to the flesh think about things of the flesh, but those that live according to the Spirit, about things of the Spirit." Romans 8:5 HCSB
I'm guilty of those backhanded compliments too. But the Lord put it on me this week and I'm gonna strive to be positive and uplifting to people from now on. Starting this week I'm gonna pledge to stop the backhanded, passive aggressiveness that I have become accustomed to speaking and hearing. I challenge you to try too. What's your favorite backhanded compliment? I'd love to read them and laugh at how audacious they are with you.
We are all perfect in our salvation. God looks at his believers and sees the face of Jesus. What an awesome God we serve!
"You sounded like you were struggling..." In all my years of singing in public this is a first. And to follow it up with a "...but you pulled it off." What does that even mean???? If you loved it say you loved it. If you hated it, SAY NOTHING!!! I don't mean to be a prima donna but this one small statement has stayed on my mind all day! I don't think I was struggling. It was well within my range. The lady singing with me sounded wonderful and I think our voices blended really well. So, why does this backhanded compliment bother me so much?
It bothers me because it is from someone that I love. It is from someone that I care about greatly. It is from someone whose opinion matters to me. That halfway compliment (or halfway insult depending on how optimistic you are) matters more to me than all the positive affirmations that I can think of.
So, this got me to thinking about other half-hearted, back-handed, passive aggressive compliments I have heard about lately. My sister scrapbooks digitally... she submitted a two page layout to a traditionally paper scrapbook forum and was awarded with "This is really good, for a digital layout." Like, because her layout was done on a computer it is automatically substandard, "But it's still great!"??? Whatever lady. How about, "She looks great, for her age!" or my favorite, "She's got such a pretty face for a fat girl." Or "She's so sweet, it's a shame she's fat." A guy I went on a date with once said, "You are really pretty, I don't care if you are a little big boned" (might I add that I weighed around 130 pounds at the time..... JERK.)
The old southern "get out of jail free phrase" comes to mind... "Bless her heart." It doesn't matter how hateful or brutal you are about someone; follow it with those three little words and suddenly everything is ok. You blessed their heart. You are free from all fall out from the harsh, hateful thing you said.
WRONG.
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I don't know when I heard that first. Maybe it was on a Disney movie.... Maybe it was from a gradeschool teacher. Either way it rings true. Some situations just go better if you don't say a thing. Empathize for a little bit. Imagine if you were the one that worked hard on a project or performance. Imagine if you were the one that was happy to be done and was proud of how it turned out. Imagine how you would feel to hear criticism from the one person you wanted to please.
This morning our Sunday school lesson touched on doing work that is pleasing to God. So it dawned on me this afternoon that my performance wasn't for that person that was negative. My performance was for God's Glory. My performance and all the worship music and instrumentals were for worship. They were for glorifying God. My appearance, my attitude, my work, is all for God's glory. As long as I put my whole heart and soul into what I do, I have no worries. God will be pleased as long as what I do glorifies Him. He's not gonna hand out one of those backhanded compliments. He's gonna say, "well, done Heather, my good and faithful servant." That's all in the world that I need. That's the one affirmation or compliment that I long for.
"For those that live according to the flesh think about things of the flesh, but those that live according to the Spirit, about things of the Spirit." Romans 8:5 HCSB
I'm guilty of those backhanded compliments too. But the Lord put it on me this week and I'm gonna strive to be positive and uplifting to people from now on. Starting this week I'm gonna pledge to stop the backhanded, passive aggressiveness that I have become accustomed to speaking and hearing. I challenge you to try too. What's your favorite backhanded compliment? I'd love to read them and laugh at how audacious they are with you.
We are all perfect in our salvation. God looks at his believers and sees the face of Jesus. What an awesome God we serve!
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