This is a great blog, for an amateur.....

I sang a special in church this morning. Another lady sang with me. She's an alto usually but for this special she sang the lead soprano and I harmonized in a higher note. I haven't heard a recording, but it sounded pretty good to me. I left the front of the church feeling pretty good about what we had done. Several church members stopped me on the way to my car and told me that they really enjoyed it and that we did great. In a rural southern baptist church, that's as good as a standing ovation. There was one "compliment" that got me to thinking though. Because I know the person that said it, I know that what he said was good as "Way to GO! You were fantastic! I was brought to tears by your voice!" Basically, what he said was as good as I'd ever get from him. He said, "You sounded like you were struggling, but you pulled it off. It was good. I didn't think it would be good but it was. "

"You sounded like you were struggling..." In all my years of singing in public this is a first. And to follow it up with a "...but you pulled it off." What does that even mean???? If you loved it say you loved it. If you hated it, SAY NOTHING!!! I don't mean to be a prima donna but this one small statement has stayed on my mind all day! I don't think I was struggling. It was well within my range. The lady singing with me sounded wonderful and I think our voices blended really well. So, why does this backhanded compliment bother me so much?

It bothers me because it is from someone that I love. It is from someone that I care about greatly. It is from someone whose opinion matters to me. That halfway compliment (or halfway insult depending on how optimistic you are) matters more to me than all the positive affirmations that I can think of. 

So, this got me to thinking about other half-hearted, back-handed, passive aggressive compliments I have heard about lately. My sister scrapbooks digitally... she submitted a two page layout to a traditionally paper scrapbook forum and was awarded with "This is really good, for a digital layout." Like, because her layout was done on a computer it is automatically substandard, "But it's still great!"??? Whatever lady. How about, "She looks great, for her age!" or my favorite, "She's got such a pretty face for a fat girl." Or "She's so sweet, it's a shame she's fat." A guy I went on a date with once said, "You are really pretty, I don't care if you are a little big boned" (might I add that I weighed around 130 pounds at the time..... JERK.)

The old southern "get out of jail free phrase" comes to mind... "Bless her heart." It doesn't matter how hateful or brutal you are about someone; follow it with those three little words and suddenly everything is ok. You blessed their heart. You are free from all fall out from the harsh, hateful thing you said. 

WRONG.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I don't know when I heard that first. Maybe it was on a Disney movie.... Maybe it was from a gradeschool teacher. Either way it rings true. Some situations just go better if you don't say a thing. Empathize for a little bit. Imagine if you were the one that worked hard on a project or performance. Imagine if you were the one that was happy to be done and was proud of how it turned out. Imagine how you would feel to hear criticism from the one person you wanted to please.

This morning our Sunday school lesson touched on doing work that is pleasing to God. So it dawned on me this afternoon that my performance wasn't for that person that was negative. My performance was for God's Glory. My performance and all the worship music and instrumentals were for worship. They were for glorifying God. My appearance, my attitude, my work, is all for God's glory. As long as I put my whole heart and soul into what I do, I have no worries. God will be pleased as long as what I do glorifies Him. He's not gonna hand out one of those backhanded compliments. He's gonna say, "well, done Heather, my good and faithful servant." That's all in the world that I need. That's the one affirmation or compliment that I long for.

 "For those that live according to the flesh think about things of the flesh, but those that live according to the Spirit, about things of the Spirit." Romans 8:5 HCSB

I'm guilty of those backhanded compliments too. But the Lord put it on me this week and I'm gonna strive to be positive and uplifting to people from now on. Starting this week I'm gonna pledge to stop the backhanded, passive aggressiveness that I have become accustomed to speaking and hearing. I challenge you to try too. What's your favorite backhanded compliment? I'd love to read them and laugh at how audacious they are with you. 

We are all perfect in our salvation. God looks at his believers and sees the face of Jesus. What an awesome God we serve!