So, this past week there have been two blog posts that have sparked my interest. The first was by a man who's bloggy title claimed my wife divorced me because I left dishes by the sink. The second was by a woman from a drastically different point of view and can be viewed here. The second article implored women not to be a "butt hole" wife and to stop nagging their husbands about the little things. The former blog was written by a man and implored other men to pay attention to their wives needs. For instance, if it is important to your wife for you to put your dish in the dishwasher, the author implores you to do that lest you lose her. In contrast the "butt hole wife" has lost her husband to untimely death and in hindsight she implores other women NOT to fuss and nag about the simple things like clothes left in the floor or dishes left by the sink. Both authors of both blog-posts have valid points that are exaggerated by their individual situations of divorce and widowhood.
I happen to agree with both of the authors. This may be why I took his boots off tonight.
You see, I have been married for the majority of my adult life. The first marriage was forced and hard and young and it didn't last long despite my best efforts. I decided that whenever I married again I was going to be a better wife.
Being a better wife doesn't sacrifice my feminism. It doesn't make me "less"... in fact, i believe it makes me better. I know all the feminists are gonna roll their eyes at that one and that's ok. I take great joy in making my husband happy. I take pride in making his day better when he walks into the door. I don't bombard him with complaints about what is going wrong in my world. I greet him with a smile and ask him how his day has been. Because i'm there to listen to him he doesn't care if supper isn't ready yet. He doesn't care if the house isn't in perfect order. He sees me being there for him and because of that he is there for me. He understands my struggles as a stay at home mom and I understand his struggles as the sole provider for a family of five. We have each others back. We are a team. We work at this partnership together.
So, back to the original purpose of this post....
Occasionally he leaves clothes on the floor and occasionally he leaves a dish by the sink. He's not perfect. Sometimes I fuss about these things. But mostly I pick up the clothes and i put the dishes in the dish washer and I keep my mouth shut. This may enrage some of you, but I would like to remind you that you are not in my marriage and you do not live my life. For me, I clean up because he does all the work. I stay at home and i keep the house while he works sometimes 16 hour days and pays the bills. My situation and the situation of those blog authors are probably completely utterly different.
That is why it is so important not to let a blog post decide where you should be in your own marriage.
Marriage is a unique process shared between only you and your spouse and God. Nothing that you are going through should ever be subject to criticism from anyone besides yourself, your spouse and our God Almighty. If your spouse is nagging you excessively or making you feel inferior for not completing a specific task my best advice is to first off be upfront with your spouse. So many times do we bottle things up and grumble over the dishes or the clothes on the floor and never let our mates know until it bubbles over into an argument. Be honest with each other. If that doesn't help, seek the advice of a Christian Counselor. Do not give up on a marriage before you diligently seek God's help in the matter.
But before any of that happens.... take his boots off. He fell asleep in the recliner as you were getting the kids to bed and you tried to wake him up. He wouldn't wake up so you could storm off to bed, mad as heck, and leave him there to fend for himself. OR... you could take off his boots... cover him up with a warm blanket, kiss him on the cheek and tell him goodnight.
If leaving the dishes by the sink or leaving your clothes in the floor bothers her, make an effort to show her that you understand that it matters to her and do not do it anymore.
My whole rebuttal to both of those viral blog posts is that all you need to do is respect your spouse. God calls us to be submissive unto each other. Love for each other requires us to be permissible of each other. Our faults are to be accepted or lovingly corrected by our spouse. We should never nag or demean the other party into bowing into our will.
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your husband, as is fitting in the Lord. Husband's love your wives and do not be harsh with them." Colossians3:18-19
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Saviour.Now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:21-24
But WAIT there's more!
"Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all no one ever hated their own body but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does for the Church." Ephesians 5:25-29
My point is that I care for my husband because God compels me to care for him. He cares for me because God compels him to care for me. I pick up his clothes if he happens to leave them on the floor without harsh words because that's what God wants me to do. He deals with my inefficiencies whatever they may be (and there are quite a few I assure you) with out harsh words because that's the husband God commands him to be. This works in our marriage. It keeps us strong when times are rough and it keeps us happy when times are sad.
I take his boots off because he is tired and because I love him. He'd take my boots off if the position was reversed. That's what makes a marriage happy.
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
ICE STORM OF '96 OR MAYBE '97, I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH
It was 1996, I think. It could have been 1995 or 1997.... I'm not sure but I'm pretty sure it was 1996...
My sister Lisa was at East Central but she lived in the dorms.... it was her first year there so it was probably 1996.
Anyway, I was 13 or 14 and I vividly remember my mama filling up all the bathtubs with water before we went to bed. She also diligently filled up all the empty milk jugs that she always saved a few of, and the two liter coke bottles that were laying around the trash pile.I don't know if my mama was ever a girl scout, doubtful in rural Beulah Hubbard, but she should have been because she was and is always ready for severe weather...... especially WINTER weather.
So, I went to bed that night thinking my mother was crazy and that we would never have winter weather because it was Mississippi. We had just had a blizzard in March of 1993, there's no way we were gonna have more winter weather in 1996 ( or 1997 whichever it was...)...
I snuggled in my bed under my great grandmother's quilts and dreamed sweet dreams.....
I woke up around 5 am because someone was shooting fireworks outside my window.
I tip-toed into the living room and my daddy was nursing a fire in the wood burning electric insert fireplace. It was dark, but I chalked that up to it being 5am. Daddy explained to me that the fireworks I was hearing was the tops breaking out of the pines that surrounded our house. He was sitting in the dark nursing the insert because the power was out thanks to the ice accumulation on the power lines. I must have dozed back off after that because the next thing i remember is my excited mother waking us up to see the winter wonderland that very rarely came to Mississippi.
My brother and I snuggled ourselves up in hoodies and coats and socks on our hands (because no one in MS has winter gloves or mittens) and boots and trudged out side in the icy weather. We slipped and we jumped and we licked icicles off the bushes.We talked Daddy in to knocking one of the especially long icicles off the eve of the house. He did it with a groan and a grin and we got Mama to put it in the freezer.
That night was interesting. We had gone without power all day. We'd been fine because we had been outside and around the fireplace and etc. That night we realized our beds were cold. The water was out because the generator at the water pump was out (mama had planned ahead for that because she had filled the tubs, and milk jugs and coke bottles with water). We all brought blankets and mattresses into the living room and my little brother, my older sisters, my grandmother (did i mention she lived with us too?) my mother, and my father all slept in the living room together. I thought it was awesome... this was the end of Day 1.
Day 2 we woke up to the smell of bacon. Daddy was cooking on the old coleman propane camp stove. The only problem was that Mama wouldn't let him use the stove in the house because of carbon monoxide or whatever. So by the time that glorious bacon got to the kitchen it was cold as ice. It was about 8 degrees outside. So we ate cold bacon and eggs for breakfast on day 2.
We spent Day 2 in and out of the house. The fire was always burning in the insert, even without electricity. We occupied ourselves with games like "I Spy" or "My Ship Goes Sailing". We were warm enough and our bellies were full and there was lots of ice out side/ We were happy regardless.
But...... then there was a WHOOSH. and the WHOOSH was followed by a ROOOOOAAAARRRSSSSHHH/....
my mother says, "Allen, I think the chimney might be on fire."
my daddy says, "Nah, the chimney's not on fire"
we hear another "whoosh"
daddy goes out side.
daddy yells, "the chimney's on fire!"
The phone is out because we have telephone lines in the air at this time.
The water is out because the power shut down the generator.
The power is out because,,, well it's always been out
There are no cell phones in 1996.
Daddy locates a ladder really fast..... he yells for mama to bring water.
MAMA CAUGHT UP GALLONS OF WATER BEFORE THE STORM!!!!
So the Harrison Children bucket brigade the coke bottles of water up the ladder to Daddy who pours them down the chimney to put out the chimney fire.
Daddy calls Papaw and Uncle Barry to help him remove the electric fireplace insert from the fireplace.
Thus ends day 2.
DAY 3:
It's cold despite the newly liberated fireplace.
The shampoo is frozen and we are all very tired of each other in the living room.
My room was like an ice box but still it was better than being with all of my family 24 hours a day.
But out of the blue my other sister and her boyfriend came to the rescue. He came with a gas heater and she came with the promise that her dorm room had hot water and power.
I rode with my sisters to Decatur with more anticipation than I've ever felt since. My hair was greasy and the cold sponge baths only did so much. The shower that I took that day in the EC dorms was the greatest shower of my life. I had to shampoo twice because my hair was just that gross. It was heavenly.
We all loaded back up and spent one more night in our living room commune. It wasn't so bad that night because we were clean and had extra heat.
Day 4 the power came back. We all retreated back to our rooms and were happy to be back to normal.
I dare say we were a little sad to be back to normal....
*this is my best recollection of these events.... i'm sure my mom, dad and sisters have a more accurate description of the ice storm of 96.... this is my best recollection, take it as you will.
My sister Lisa was at East Central but she lived in the dorms.... it was her first year there so it was probably 1996.
Anyway, I was 13 or 14 and I vividly remember my mama filling up all the bathtubs with water before we went to bed. She also diligently filled up all the empty milk jugs that she always saved a few of, and the two liter coke bottles that were laying around the trash pile.I don't know if my mama was ever a girl scout, doubtful in rural Beulah Hubbard, but she should have been because she was and is always ready for severe weather...... especially WINTER weather.
So, I went to bed that night thinking my mother was crazy and that we would never have winter weather because it was Mississippi. We had just had a blizzard in March of 1993, there's no way we were gonna have more winter weather in 1996 ( or 1997 whichever it was...)...
I snuggled in my bed under my great grandmother's quilts and dreamed sweet dreams.....
I woke up around 5 am because someone was shooting fireworks outside my window.
I tip-toed into the living room and my daddy was nursing a fire in the wood burning electric insert fireplace. It was dark, but I chalked that up to it being 5am. Daddy explained to me that the fireworks I was hearing was the tops breaking out of the pines that surrounded our house. He was sitting in the dark nursing the insert because the power was out thanks to the ice accumulation on the power lines. I must have dozed back off after that because the next thing i remember is my excited mother waking us up to see the winter wonderland that very rarely came to Mississippi.
My brother and I snuggled ourselves up in hoodies and coats and socks on our hands (because no one in MS has winter gloves or mittens) and boots and trudged out side in the icy weather. We slipped and we jumped and we licked icicles off the bushes.We talked Daddy in to knocking one of the especially long icicles off the eve of the house. He did it with a groan and a grin and we got Mama to put it in the freezer.
That night was interesting. We had gone without power all day. We'd been fine because we had been outside and around the fireplace and etc. That night we realized our beds were cold. The water was out because the generator at the water pump was out (mama had planned ahead for that because she had filled the tubs, and milk jugs and coke bottles with water). We all brought blankets and mattresses into the living room and my little brother, my older sisters, my grandmother (did i mention she lived with us too?) my mother, and my father all slept in the living room together. I thought it was awesome... this was the end of Day 1.
Day 2 we woke up to the smell of bacon. Daddy was cooking on the old coleman propane camp stove. The only problem was that Mama wouldn't let him use the stove in the house because of carbon monoxide or whatever. So by the time that glorious bacon got to the kitchen it was cold as ice. It was about 8 degrees outside. So we ate cold bacon and eggs for breakfast on day 2.
We spent Day 2 in and out of the house. The fire was always burning in the insert, even without electricity. We occupied ourselves with games like "I Spy" or "My Ship Goes Sailing". We were warm enough and our bellies were full and there was lots of ice out side/ We were happy regardless.
But...... then there was a WHOOSH. and the WHOOSH was followed by a ROOOOOAAAARRRSSSSHHH/....
my mother says, "Allen, I think the chimney might be on fire."
my daddy says, "Nah, the chimney's not on fire"
we hear another "whoosh"
daddy goes out side.
daddy yells, "the chimney's on fire!"
The phone is out because we have telephone lines in the air at this time.
The water is out because the power shut down the generator.
The power is out because,,, well it's always been out
There are no cell phones in 1996.
Daddy locates a ladder really fast..... he yells for mama to bring water.
MAMA CAUGHT UP GALLONS OF WATER BEFORE THE STORM!!!!
So the Harrison Children bucket brigade the coke bottles of water up the ladder to Daddy who pours them down the chimney to put out the chimney fire.
Daddy calls Papaw and Uncle Barry to help him remove the electric fireplace insert from the fireplace.
Thus ends day 2.
DAY 3:
It's cold despite the newly liberated fireplace.
The shampoo is frozen and we are all very tired of each other in the living room.
My room was like an ice box but still it was better than being with all of my family 24 hours a day.
But out of the blue my other sister and her boyfriend came to the rescue. He came with a gas heater and she came with the promise that her dorm room had hot water and power.
I rode with my sisters to Decatur with more anticipation than I've ever felt since. My hair was greasy and the cold sponge baths only did so much. The shower that I took that day in the EC dorms was the greatest shower of my life. I had to shampoo twice because my hair was just that gross. It was heavenly.
We all loaded back up and spent one more night in our living room commune. It wasn't so bad that night because we were clean and had extra heat.
Day 4 the power came back. We all retreated back to our rooms and were happy to be back to normal.
I dare say we were a little sad to be back to normal....
*this is my best recollection of these events.... i'm sure my mom, dad and sisters have a more accurate description of the ice storm of 96.... this is my best recollection, take it as you will.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)