Sometimes, I take his boots off....

So, this past week there have been two blog posts that have sparked my interest. The first was by a man who's bloggy title claimed my wife divorced me because I left dishes by the sink. The second was by a woman from a drastically different point of view and can be viewed here. The second article implored women not to be a "butt hole" wife and to stop nagging their husbands about the little things. The former blog was written by a man and implored other men to pay attention to their wives needs. For instance, if it is important to your wife for you to put your dish in the dishwasher, the author implores you to do that lest you lose her. In contrast the "butt hole wife" has lost her husband to untimely death and in hindsight she implores other women NOT to fuss and nag about the simple things like clothes left in the floor or dishes left by the sink. Both authors of both blog-posts have valid points that are exaggerated by their individual situations of divorce and widowhood.

I happen to agree with both of the authors. This may be why I took his boots off tonight.

You see, I have been married for the majority of my adult life. The first marriage was forced and hard and young and it didn't last long despite my best efforts. I decided that whenever I married again I was going to be a better wife.

Being a better wife doesn't sacrifice my feminism. It doesn't make me "less"... in fact, i believe it makes me better. I know all the feminists are gonna roll their eyes at that one and that's ok. I take great joy in making my husband happy. I take pride in making his day better when he walks into the door. I don't bombard him with complaints about what is going wrong in my world. I greet him with a smile and ask him how his day has been. Because i'm there to listen to him he doesn't care if supper isn't ready yet. He doesn't care if the house isn't in perfect order. He sees me being there for him and because of that he is there for me. He understands my struggles as a stay at home mom and I understand his struggles as the sole provider for a family of five. We have each others back. We are a team. We work at this partnership together.

So, back to the original purpose of this post....

Occasionally he leaves clothes on the floor and occasionally he leaves a dish by the sink. He's  not perfect. Sometimes I fuss about these things. But mostly I pick up the clothes and i put the dishes in the dish washer and I keep my mouth shut. This may enrage some of you, but I would like to remind you that you are not in my marriage and you do not live my life. For me, I clean up because he does all the work. I stay at home and i keep the house while he works  sometimes 16 hour days and pays the bills. My situation and the situation of those blog authors are probably completely utterly different.

That is why it is so important not to let a blog post decide where you should be in your own marriage.

Marriage is a unique process shared between only you and your spouse and God. Nothing that you are going through should ever be subject to criticism from anyone besides yourself, your spouse and our God Almighty. If your spouse is nagging you excessively or making you feel inferior for not completing a specific task my best advice is to first off be upfront with your spouse. So many times do we bottle things up and grumble over the dishes or the clothes on the floor and never let our mates know until it bubbles over into an argument. Be honest with each other. If that doesn't help, seek the advice of a Christian Counselor. Do not give up on a marriage before you diligently seek God's help in the matter. 

But before any of that happens.... take his boots off. He fell asleep in the recliner as you were getting the kids to bed and you tried to wake him up. He wouldn't wake up so you could storm off to bed, mad as heck, and leave him there to fend for himself. OR... you could take off his boots... cover him up with a warm blanket, kiss him on the cheek and tell him goodnight.

If leaving the dishes by the sink or leaving your clothes in the floor bothers her, make an  effort to show her that you understand that it matters to her and do not do it anymore.

My whole rebuttal to both of those viral blog posts is that all you need to do is respect your spouse. God calls us to be submissive unto each other. Love for each other requires us to be permissible of each other. Our faults are to be accepted or lovingly corrected by our spouse. We should never nag or demean the other party into bowing into our will.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your husband, as is fitting in the Lord. Husband's love your wives and do not be harsh with them." Colossians3:18-19

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Saviour.Now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:21-24

But WAIT there's more!




"Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all no one ever hated their own body but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does for the Church." Ephesians 5:25-29

My point is that I care for my husband because God compels me to care for him. He cares for me because God compels him to care for me. I pick up his clothes if he happens to leave them on the floor without harsh words because that's what God wants me to do. He deals with my inefficiencies whatever they may be (and there are quite a few I assure you) with out harsh words because that's the husband God commands him to be. This works in our marriage. It keeps us strong when times are rough and it keeps us happy when times are sad.

I take his boots off because he is tired and because I love him. He'd take my boots off if the position was reversed. That's what makes a marriage happy. 

They Taught Me About Jesus

I haven't written in a while. Truthfully, I've been woefully uninspired. Each time I start to write on this site, and back out because of a lack of inspiration, the blogger saves that post as a draft. Sometimes my drafts are a few words-- sometimes a few good paragraphs-- but each time they don't amount to enough to please me, much less my rag tag audience.

I've always been an over-achiever. I've always wanted to please. I guess being #3 girl before the #1 boy in the family line-up makes you want to always shine. I did shine, very much so (in my opinion) in my youth. I was in plays, honor choirs, had straight a's, was gifted, had a very high ACT score, was a class officer and on the student council. I shined so stinking bright.... but none of that mattered. Yes my parents appreciated it. They were proud. They loved me. They hoped to see great things for me. They will tell you that they have seen great things from me. They just didn't see them in the way they believed that they would when they looked at their #3 bundle of  joy.

They never expected me to become pregnant out of wedlock, to marry at 17, to deliver their first grandchild at 18, their second at 20, and divorce at 21. They never expected me to find love in a different state and remarry at 24, move to Alabama, and have their third grandchild at 26. They never looked at their sweet little third daughter and expected any of that.  They didn't sit through my performances and expect anything out of me. 

They taught me. They taught me to be good. They taught me to be smart. They taught me to think for myself. They taught me to fight for what I loved. They taught me to realize when it was time to walk away. They taught me that I needed to be able to provide for myself. They taught me that education was important. They are the reason that I had a career to fall back on after my first marriage fell apart. They taught me to think for myself. They taught me about Jesus. They took me to church and they taught me how to worship. Of all the things that my parents taught me, and they were great teachers, this was the most important.

Without Jesus I wouldn't have made it past 17. If I hadn't had Jesus then, I would probably have aborted my baby or given him up for adoption. I would have broken up with his father. I would NEVER have forgiven myself. In my attempts for self preservation I would have taken a life. I would have put myself above all else. I would have disappointed myself. I would have turned to drugs and alcohol and I would have hit rock bottom. But, thankfully,  my parents taught me about Jesus. 

Without Jesus, and if I had married and had those babies, I would have tried to save my first marriage.... but i wouldn't have tried as hard. I wouldn't have been as hard pressed to make it work had I not had anyone holding me to the vows we took that day. I would have looked forward to the day that I could have dissolved our union. I would have looked forward to a life of multiple partners and a life of freedom from society's boundaries. I would have never hit rock bottom after my many attempts to avoid divorce, and have asked Jesus to lead me to a man that would follow Him with me. I would have never have found Jason.  Thankfully, my parents taught me about Jesus.

My parents took me to church. My parents made me sit up straight and pay attention. My parents made me wear scratchy dresses and uncomfortable shoes. My parents fought with me and three other children and still got us there on time on Sunday mornings. My parents made me go to Sunday school and Bible School and made me memorize my assigned verses. My parents led me to Jesus. 

So many things come up on Sundays. Seems to me like more and more things happen on the weekend nowadays than when i was a kid. Maybe it's the same amount; maybe I just didn't notice. Or, Maybe I would have had plenty of other things to do-- had my Mama and Daddy not seen fit to have me in church. I thank God every day that they saw fit. I thank God for Christian parents.

Train up a child in the way he should go, 

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

 - Proverbs 22:6 -

Concerning the Author

I'm torn.

Life as a "Mommy Blogger" might be "just fine." But somehow I want more.... I'm drawn to be the political blogger, the religious blogger, the family blogger and the comedic blogger. I just don't know which blogger I want to be right now.

So I choose to be ALL bloggers. You don't know what you will get with me. I'm like that in real life too for those of you that know me.

Which brings to mind the fact that, not all of you know me. Not all of you know me. I'm a stranger. So let me tell you a thing or two about me.... (see below)

I'm Heddy (aka Heather). I've had that nickname as long as I can remember. When I was a little girl I stayed with my Granny a lot. Granny was my mother's mother. She lived in an apartment adjacent to our house. I could tap on my bedroom wall and she would tap back anytime I needed her. We had our own form of Morse Code.

When I wasn't tapping on my wall I was at her house. She kept her fridge stocked with soda's and candy bars. She kept her bread box stocked with bacon cheddar fries, cheeze-n-crackers and more candy bars. We never wanted for junk-food when we were at granny's house. This is probably the reason I can be a Curvy Girl Blogger as well.

Am  I still confused about my identity? You would think that by now I would know who I am. Maybe I'm a healthcare blogger.... no.... I've been out of that for a while. I don't feel like i should alienate my self with the 'mommy blog' title. I just don't know yet what describes me.

I am an almost 32 year old mother of three blogger. You can do the math. My oldest is almost 14 years old. He's an angel. Maybe I could be the teenage mother success story blogger. I had my second  child two years later... Maybe that makes me the "I'm on the fast track to life blogger." My third child is a feisty curly headed product of my second marriage. She keeps me on my toes and she WILL be the cause of ALL my gray hairs. Maybe that makes me a mommy daughter blogger, or try for second love blogger. I could also review netflix selections for a blog, or maybe just write about how I longed for a vacation home.

But that doesn't really tell who I am either. That tells the mommy blog followers who I am. I am also a registered nurse. I worked hard for that title despite the fact that my marriage was falling apart at the time. I'm a stay at home mom now. I worked hard for that title too. It's an achievement in my opinion. I found a husband who could support my ambitions to be able to stay at home and raise my kids. I know at any moment I can go back to work. I also know that, if the opportunity presents itself I can run for office. I can go back to school, I can teach school, I can do WHATEVER I want to do right now. I graciously thank my husband for that and I'm not ashamed of being grateful.

First and Foremost I am a Christian, I'm opinionated, talented, creative, honest, intelligent, hard working, faithful, fair.  All of that is by the grace of God. I'm also a civil rights advocate living in the middle of a civil rights battleground. I hope that I am fair minded and thoughtful when it comes to political issues. I am staunchly Libertarian as long as being Libertarian doesn't mean that I have to staunchly be anything. I am strongly opinionated in my beliefs whether you like them or not. I will agree with you as long as you successfully prove to me that you are right. I am not afraid to admit when I am wrong as long as I have been proven to be wrong.

I'm new to the blog-o-sphere but I can guarantee you that I will talk about my family. I will talk about my religion. I promise to talk about my political beliefs. I also promise to talk about any social/ethical/economic issues that come to mind. I'm not promising to be your favorite blog, but i promise that I will try.

I am me and only me and I hope that's enough for you.