Old Pink Bibles

Emily couldn't find her Bible this morning. This is not a scarce occurrence, what with my housekeeping skills and her six year old short term memory. She can remember exactly what I mumbled as I left the Dollar General three weeks ago, but where she put her bible last Sunday is a conundrum.

Anyway, this week, since she couldn't find hers (and that was the END of the WORLD), I dug my old grade school Bible out of the closet. I retired this bible when I received a bible for my high school graduation. I have been using my "graduation" bible ever since (thanks again Beulah Baptist Church). So, I dug out the pink bible that my grandparents gave me when I was little and handed it to Emily. I wish I could say that it was a magical moment, and all the wisdom from that book was immediately imparted on my daughter; but, alas, no. She said, "It's too heavy!" and "I don't ever have to really use mine anyway." Now, granted she is six, and she can't technically can't read so I assume this is a rational response.

On the other hand, whatever her refusal meant, it got me to flipping through my old Bible. This is the Bible that I studied when I accepted Christ as my Savior. This is the Bible that I read the night that my best friend was killed in a car wreck. I vividly remember locking myself in my bedroom the night that she died and reading Psalm 23 and Psalm 102. I remember finding comfort in Joshua and Timothy. I fell on this old Bible when I was heartbroken and grieving.The words in it's pages gave me comfort and answered my questions during that terrible time.

I flipped through the pages this afternoon and looked at all the sideline notations and highlights of my youth. These are the scriptures that I clung to during my teenage years. Granny taught me how she notated her own Bible and I made similar marks in mine. I read this Bible the night I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I knew that I hadn't pleased God. I knew that I had disappointed my parents. I wanted to find an easy way out. I read scripture after scripture and realized that God doesn't make mistakes. I continued to study and make notations (there are notes with dates next to the scriptures that I clung to at that point in my life). I realize, looking back, that God never left me through those times. I didn't know where my life would take me at that point, but I always felt God near me. That pink Bible was with me too. It wasn't easy being a teenage mother in small-town Mississippi, I read that Bible (even after I got married) and craved it's comfort during those hard times.

When I opened my old Bible tonight the page it fell on was Ephesians 6:11, "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil." There were many other notations, but this highlighted passage reminded me of that teenage girl that was new in faith and tried so hard to live up to the "perfect" Christian standards. The spirit of God got me through those thoughts of failure. God accepted my repentance and nurtured me and stayed with me throughout the hardship of a teenage pregnancy. God was with me years later when the father of my children decided that he didn't love me anymore. He was with me when this man that I had mistakenly put my faith in failed me. That taught me that nothing on this earth is worthy of my faith. ONLY God is worthy of my faith. He will never leave me, He will never forsake me. His love is forever.

Years have passed and my faith has been aged just like my old pink Bible. It may be worn around the edges, the cover is scuffed, the pages are brittle; but those highlighted passages continue to comfort me. The words are still there and they still minister to me. God never left me, even though I despaired and begged him for a different path. He showed me that His path is the right path. His way is the right way. My way is futile. He led me here. He gave me Sam, and Nolan, and Jason, and Emily. He has richly blessed my life. I am not worthy of a single blessing. He blesses me anyway. Psalm 105:4 is underlined in my old pink Bible. It says "Seek the Lord and his strength: seek His face evermore." No matter which Bible I turn to, I hope I remember to seek Him.

Emily woke up today and, before her feet even hit the floor, she told me, "God loves me, Mama. And I'm so glad that He gave us Jesus so that we can be with Him in heaven." My six year old daughter told me that. She said that without any coaching, or prompting by me. She already "gets" this raggedy Bible and she can't read a word of it. I know because of my children, that after all the hardships and disappointments, I'm doing something right. Thank you God for reassurances and for old pink Bibles.