Mom's Long Bath

At 8:30 tonight I told the husband that I was going to get a bath. "Go ahead!" He said sweetly and I start off to the bathroom.

On my way I realize it is 8:30 so I decided to put #3 down for the night. I picked out her clothes for tomorrow, say prayers, start a movie for her (don't judge me), tickle her, give her three hugs and kisses and say "night night, love you, unnnh-unnnh" (air hugs). After all that she's down. I go back through the house.

I make it to the kitchen/living room area and husband is looking mighty comfy in the recliner. I ask him if he wants to shower first, "no! You go ahead!" Was the reply as he pulled a blanket up over his dirty work clothes with arms black as soot from the machine he worked on before he got home. I agree, (remind me to wash that blanket tomorrow) and head to the bath.

Before I get there, I remember the meatloaf pan soaking and the stack of plates that only go in the dishwasher for me. I decided  to go ahead and wash supper pans and start the dishwasher. In cleaning the table I notice #1's sports pic form. I fill that out, write what seems like the 1000th check this week and am then informed by #1 that we are still lacking one book. So I write  another check for that.

 I went to my bathroom and noticed there were no towels so I go get the load out of the dryer, fold half of it and head back to my room. #2 stops me to ask if his shorts that he picked out are ok for tomorrow...shorts are but the shirt has a spot.  I help him find a shirt, go ahead and finish the other half of the folding, load the dryer with the load from the washer and head back to my room.

On the way I yell up to #1 that I filled out his sport pic form, he doesn't hear because of headphones so I go upstairs and beat on the door. He answers, and remembers I have to sign a bunch of stuff. We go back down stairs and I sign lots of papers. He goes back to his room I go to take my bath, noticing along the way that husband is in a meat loaf induced coma in the recliner still with the dirty arms and work clothes.

I wake husband and he says he wasn't asleep. I ask again if he doesn't want to go shower. I politely remind him that he will not wake up at 3am and climb into my clean sheets with dirt and grease all over his arms. He not so politely tells me that he's not asleep and he will shower in a little while.

I decide to go back to #3's room. She's out so I tuck her back in, turn off looney tunes, take a quick pic of her cute self,  and cut off lights. #2 is actually in bed too so I tell him to cut off the iPod and call it a night. I get back to the kitchen and hubby is snoring away in the recliner. I make a mental note to be mad at him. I get halfway down the hall to my room and I hear loud hip hop stuff coming from #1's room. That reminds me that his practice clothes are sweat soaked. I turn back grab those, put the stinky things in the washer and then head upstairs to tell him to turn it down and wrap it up for the night.

Finally get to my room and it's too late for a bath. I take a quick shower because between the dishes and the washer I have limited hot water. I head back into the living room which is finally quiet except for the husband's snores. I sit down at the computer and type this blog.

And what started out as an sngry rant about not getting a long bath isn't so angry anymore. God has blessed me with #1,#2, and that sassy #3 and I am so thankful to have them here with me, and to be able to give them tickles and air hugs and notice the spots on their shirts and wash their stinky uniforms. I'm so thankful for that hard headed man in the recliner that worked from daylight to dark today in the blazing heat so that I can run dish washers and washers and dryers, and crank the AC down to sub zero temps! I'm thankful that God placed me here with these people that need me. I hope they know that I need them just as much.

But, seriously, he needs to get a shower.... Really.

Through the Social Media Looking Glass

Ya'll, I'm sad.

A few days ago something happened in my little corner of Alabama. I will spare you the details. If you are super curious you can read about it here. The story made me sad, as I'm sure it made any one of you that clicked the link.

But that's not what I'm really sad about...

The boys that were arrested and charged in this something that happened are school mates with my children. Though, I don't know them well we are a close knit small school and I feel like they are part of an extended family. I feel like a family member betrayed some non-existent trust.

But that's not what I'm really sad about...

You see... these "boys" decided to do what they did. It was terrible and awful what they decided to do. It was terrible and it was awful and they decided to do it and then, in the midst of the deciding to do it... they decided to video it and SHARE it with their friends. 

Whether or not they decided to share it for fun, or to scare somebody, or to gross out a girl, or whether or not they were just (according to our sheriff) "boys being stupid", the fact remains that they decided to share it.

That's only part of what makes me sad.

Has the share button desensitized our human relationships? Have we grown so accustomed to sharing every aspect of our daily lives on the Internet or via text or snap that we don't realize the emotional effect that our actions have on other people? Does viewing a crime through a phone camera somehow make it less real in our eyes?

Are we compelled by the device we hold to perform for the hundreds of people that follow our feed on a social network?

I have been seriously disturbed by the reports about the crime that was committed last week in our little community. I'm also disturbed by some of the more vocal public reaction to what happened last week in our little community.

The perpetrators are young... 17 and 18 according to police reports. They are babies in my opinion. That doesn't excuse what they did. Their actions are inexcusable.... but that does not take away from the fact that they are incredibly young.

Boys.... Almost men... With their whole lives stretched before them. And that makes me sad.

But that's not what makes me really sad.... 

See, these boys are getting death threats for the thing that they did. Strangers are threatening them, these teenage boys. Strangers are accusing their parents of being absent or uncaring. Strangers are passing judgment on people of whom they know nothing. A small sample of some of the comments on one social media news feed:

"Do I believe in the death penalty...no ...but in this case , I'll make an exception" -Tammy Urmann

"put him in a pen with some pissed off dogs, let me know how that works out for him sorry pice of s--t" - Tom Kuckens

"The justice for these rednecks should be In the words of the queen from Alice in wonderland --OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!" - Patrick Grisham

That's just a sample of what has made me really sad. The very people that are (supposedly) the most outraged at the actions of these young men are the very ones that cause me to lose sleep at night. It's shameful some of the things that have been said.

Are we all so desensitized to other peoples feelings that we feel that this is appropriate behavior? Is the mob mentality all of a sudden OK again? As long as it's on the Internet, and a computer screen stands between us and the world, are we so separated from our statements that we feel comfortable to say what ever we want with no thought as to how it will effect other people? We aren't nice anymore. Would we be as brave as to say to someone out in the community the same things we say under the veil of social media? I barely get passed, "Hey, how are you?" Rarely do I discuss my religious or political beliefs with the lady at the post office... but on facebook? Late at night? Buddy get out of my way, I'm gonna tell you how I feel. I am as guilty of this as the next person.

Please don't get me wrong. I don't think we should make excuses for these kids. They don't need us to brush what they did aside... In fact I believe quite the opposite. I believe that the people in their community, the people that these boys love and respect need to stand together, as a unified front and let these boys know that we do NOT approve of what they have done. They need to be held accountable for what they did. Most of all, they need to know that we love them, no matter what, and that we are praying for them with all of our hearts. I pray that they are truly remorseful. I pray that they got caught in the moment and that they were just being stupid. The story is out. At this point, if they have any hope of becoming productive adults, now is our chance to show them that there are consequences for their actions. Maybe sending it out to other kids was the proverbial cry for help? I can hope.

On the same coin I cannot make excuses for the trolls of social media news pages that delight in the destruction of lives. Just as these boys enjoyed what they did to their victims, the social news trolls delight in tearing down reputations. They delight in destroying families, and friendships, and communities. They delight in the agony of others. They are perhaps more evil and heinous than the crime that was committed to start with.

Our community is strong. We know what is right and I have faith that justice will be served in a reasonable and fair manner. As for those hateful people on the Internet, I have faith that justice will be served to them as well. Our community prays for those boys, their families, and we are even praying for the Internet trolls.

This can't and won't be solved in a day. It will take years for people around here to stop talking about what has happened. It will take longer for us to forget. The boys will never forget what they have done and they alone have to live with the guilt.  In the meantime I'm going to keep praying for them and for all of us. I'm going to try to focus on the joy in my life and leave the justice and the judgment to the courts.

 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."~ Philippians 4:8

33 Things Worth Remembering in 33 Years

33 years. It's hard for me to believe. 33 seemed old when I was a kid. It was almost unreachable. Now here I am with three kids, one who's taller than I am now. I feel like time is slipping through my hands. When they were little the days were so long and I longed for some time just to sit and think.... now it seems I have more and more quiet times and I miss their toddler giggles.

I am 33 today. And I guess I'm a little sad.

So since it's my birthday I've been thinking all day about stuff that I've learned and things that I want to teach my children. They will roll their eyes if I read this to them now. So why not make a list and leave it here in cyberspace for future reference. Maybe one day they'll look me up and read what I write and it will make more sense to them. Happy birthday to me. Here's 33 things that I've learned were important in my 33 years....

1.  Listen to your mother. My mother is usually right about stuff. She'll love this one, but it's true. She told me not to take my whole allowance to school in the 7th grade (I ignored her and my wallet got stolen). She told me to dress like a lady and not wear the black lacy bra under the white button up shirt (I ignored her and ended up pregnant). She's told me many things about raising my own children and although I still hate to admit it, she's usually right.
2. Answer the phone when your grandmother calls. Even if you are in the season of life that makes you think that you don't have time to talk to a crazy old lady... No One is THAT busy. Stop what you are doing and talk to the woman who loves you more than anything else in her world. She won't be there forever. You'll desperately want to talk to her one day and she won't be there to answer.
3. Read to you children while they are young enough to love it. This is another one of those things that Mama told me to do. See number one. I'm on my last baby now. She still lets me read, but she's learning to take the book away and read on her own. I do the voices better. I like to hear her giggle. 
4. Nothing good happens after midnight. Ever. Even as an adult. Come home. It's not worth it, take my word on this.
5. Read your Bible. Even when you don't feel like it. Even when you are tired or you are busy or you feel like you have better things to do. Read it and cherish it. I promise you won't be sorry.
6. Learn to cook. It's not hard and it's not beneath you. It's therapy. It will make you happy to feed your family something that only you can cook. When they refuse someone else's recipe because it's just not like yours, you will be happy.
7. Don't take marriage lightly. It's not always about fairytale love. Marriage is a responsibility. It's a hard job but it is worth the effort. Don't give up on your spouse.
8. To my sons: Respect women. Open doors for them, walk them to their doors, respect their boundaries, treat them like ladies. Take your hat off at the dinner table. 
9. Put the phone down. You are not that important. I am actively trying to work on this and I hope that when my children remember me in their youth they don't remember trying to win my attention away from my cell phone. 
10. Play. Get outside and throw a Frisbee. Play fetch with the dog. Play tag or chase. Make someone giggle.
11. Learn to express yourself. Sing, write, play an instrument... do something that makes you happy and gives you self worth. Take time for yourself and always seek to make yourself a better person.
12. Accept that you are not perfect. You will never be perfect none of us are. There will always be someone out there that does something better than you. Accept that, rise to the challenge, or accept it.
13. Never forget where you came from. Be proud of your home. Never shy away from your roots. People will try to make you feel ashamed of being southern, or country, or back woods. They are wrong. Never let them make you feel ashamed. Be proud.
14. Learn to admit when you are wrong. Do not carry grudges. It's not worth the headache or the anxiety. It's so much more pleasant to get along with people. 
15. Don't post anything on social media unless you want it to follow you for the rest of your life. That includes your snaps and vines and tweets that you think I don't know about now. I know. I'm watching.
16. Love your siblings. They'll be your best friends when you are older. Make time for them now. Make memories together. 
17. Go to church. Even when you don't want to. Even when you stay out too late on Saturday night. Even when you have small children of your own. Even when you are in college or newly married. Find a church and go to church. The church will be your family when your own family is not around. Going to church will keep you centered and focused on where you should take your life. Go to church.
18. Don't procrastinate. It's so much better to plan and have things done on time. Don't wait until the last minute for the school or work project. 
19. Sing at the top of your lungs in the car whenever you can. When you have children they will cry and hold their hands over their ears and beg you to stop. Don't stop. Sing louder.
20. Always keep someone in your life that holds you accountable, that encourages you, that isn't afraid to bring you back to reality. (See number 16.)
21. Self control is important. Be it food or alcohol or work or TV or video games. Learn to tell yourself no and to stop yourself from over indulgence. Everything in moderation. (something I'm still working on)
22. Don't swear. It isn't funny and it certainly isn't cute. It doesn't make you seem cool. It makes you seem shallow and rude and it makes other people uncomfortable. 
23.  Read books. Read the ones your English teachers tell you to read. Read as many of the classics as you can. Never stop reading.
24. Don't rush into physical intimacy. You are young. You only have one first kiss. Don't waste it on some jerk that will make you shudder when you think back on it in the future. Boys don't be the jerk that makes some girl shudder when she thinks back on you. You are very, very, young and no matter what your friends are saying it's not that good when you are a teenager and it is worth it for you to wait until you can share it with your God called partner. 
25. Never get a credit card. NEVER EVER EVER get a credit card. If you don't have the money for it, don't buy it. If you wouldn't ask someone you love to loan you the money for it, you don't need it. If you can go a month without it, you don't need it. Never, ever, get a credit card. 
26. Never use tobacco.Don't smoke it, dip it, or chew it. It's gross in any form.
27. Don't do drugs. They destroy families and they destroy lives. They, too, are gross... I'm paying good money for your dental hygiene... don't smoke something that will mess that up.
28. Get a job that makes you happy. Don't stay in a job that makes you miserable. Seek Godly counsel in your career. However, if you are in a job that you don't like, do it with a joyful heart and always do your best work. 
29. Go to college. I worked through community college with two babies in diapers. There is no excuse for not getting an education. 
30. Take time, every day, and pray. Spend time alone, just you and God and seek His guidance in your life. Prepare yourself to be a witness to others. The time you spend with God every day will help you with this.
31. Get a dog.... or a cat. Always have a companion that depends on you and makes your life better.
32. Be adventurous. Be braver than I have been. Take trips and risks and do crazy stuff that I would never do because I want you to be twice as brave as I ever hoped to be. Just be sure to call me and tell me all about it. 
33. Have cake on your birthday. Make sure your kids always have cake on their birthdays. Make one day a year all about you and make it special every single time.

I'm sure I could think of more. I hope that some of these have already been ingrained in my children's memories. I want to raise happy, healthy, educated, respectful, Christian adults... that's all I want for any of my birthdays. Here's to year 33. 

To the One Snoring in the Recliner :)

there's several things tonight i could blog about....

there's several more things tonight i could rant and rave about...

I actually started a couple and got to about the third or forth line and stopped...

See... the thing I want to blog about isn't a thing.... He's a person. And he's snoring in the recliner just a few feet from where I sit.

Here we are when we were MUCH younger....

He's not a man from some grocery store novel cover... he's the guy you see in the store covered in axle grease on his hands...and a loaf of bread in his hands, because he is stopping by for his wife.
 
He's not a "Christian Grey"... he's the guy that treats her with respect and dignity. He loves her and would never wish to harm her, in any way. He is a gentleman on the street and in the bedroom... he's the man of her dreams.

He's not the guy you see in the bar every night... He's the guy that wants to spend his time away from work with the woman he loves. He's the one that makes sure it's ok with his wife before he goes out of town. He's the one that can't wait to see her when he comes back home.

He's not the guy that is always gone out with his "buds"... He's the guy who's best friend is at home. He's the guy who can't wait to get home to his best friend. He's the one who tells her everything. 

He's not the guy who hangs out with the bad guys... He's the guy that chooses his friends wisely. He picks other men that can give him Godly counsel. His friends are a reflection of who he is.

He's the guy that buys himself expensive toys.... he's also the guy that buys her jewelry or the latest gadget and he freely gives without any expectations of anything in return.
 
He's not the evil stepfather... He's the guy that takes her kids and loves them like his own. He's the guy that makes sure they have the best education and the best clothes and he makes sure that they never feel like they don't belong.

He's the guy that married a family... not just a woman.

He's the guy who loves her above all other things. He's the guy that gets up so early and works so hard that, sometimes, he falls asleep in the recliner. He's the guy that grills when he gets home even if he had a bad day. He's the guy that agrees to disagree whenever the debate gets too intense.

Here we are 10 years later ...and captured by one of those expensive toys... Oh well!

He's her best friend. 

He loves her... despite their differences.... Because of their differences.

He loves her.

And She Loves Him.

And they are happy. :)

 "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:12