Ten years and 160 pounds of Wisdom

So tonight I was scrolling through Facebook as I often do on a boring, stay-home Saturday night, and I come across an article from one of the news outlets that I subscribe to. The article was titled, "10 things I've learned after Extreme Weight Loss". Of course I clicked on it. I was expecting a story that reflected my own weight loss journey. What I found was a condescending twenty something that had no idea what she was talking about.

Maybe I'm being harsh. If I am, it is because I was that girl when I was 24. I lost 100 pounds in my 24th year. The Atkins craze had taken the nation by storm and I was equipped with a bitter divorce under my belt. I had the motivation and the means to lose five stone. It happened and I rode that coaster for a couple of years. It was wonderful. But life went on and I remarried and had another baby and reverted to my old habits. This girl that wrote this article writes about being single and avoiding the weight loss subject with dates. She/s in for a rude awakening when marriage and baby comes her way.

Or maybe she isn't. I hope to goodness she continues on her path to healthy living. The thing that bothered me is how much she focused in her article about how others perceived her and how men especially treated her differently. I see that in my life now that I've lost weight but it doesn't define me. What makes me feel good now is what I see in MY mirror. Not what others see when they look at me. I, frankly, do not give a damn what anyone else sees when they look at me. I know how my body feels and I know how much work I've done in the gym. I know I'm on the right path. I don't care what anyone else thinks about my size. 

She was also very vocal about how she achieved her weight loss "on her own" without drastic measures such as bariatric surgery or fad diets. She said it as if the two go hand in hand. As if having one's stomach surgically altered was as simple as subscribing to a boxed meal service such as nutrisystem. I've got news for this young lady. I lost 100 pounds when I was your age. I gained 150 pounds back. Talk to me when you are 35 and you have a few kids out of that uterus. It's different. You won't be so smug about weight loss surgery when you have tried every "diet" and exercise program under the sun but you still only yo-yo through the same 30-40 pounds. It's especially frustrating when you have 80 or 100 to lose.  The fourth decade of life is a monster. It doesn't allow you to just "decide" to lose weight. The fourth decade requires you to WORK for your weight loss. And even that may not be enough... some times it requires surgical intervention. 

And there is NOTHING WRONG with surgical intervention. NOTHING! It's a step that you take when you feel like you are totally hopeless. Surgery is a step that you take when you have tried EVERYTHING with out reward. Surgery is a step that you take when you realize that you are going to die from this disease called obesity. It is not a step you take lightly. It is a step that you cry about the night before surgery because you fear that you may not see your children again. But it's also a step that you take so that you WILL have many more happy days with your children. It is a step that you take to promise your kids that there will be no more days of mommy on the couch; no more days where mommy asks you to bring her stuff because she's to heavy and lazy to get up and get it herself. No more days where mommy sits back and watches you play instead of getting up and playing with you. 

The girl talked about dating and hiding her weight loss from prospective mates. She is wrong. I was totally up front with my husband about my struggles with my weight. He married me knowing that I was a recovering fat girl. He stayed with me when my struggles  became reality. He supported all of my diet and exercise struggles. He was by my side after all of my failures. He fully supported me when I decided that surgery was my best hope at beating this disease. He encouraged me when I regretted my decision, he rejoices with me when I celebrate my victories. He might not feel the same had I pretended that I was never fat before we met. I don't know, maybe he would have. But that's not a chance I was ever going to take with a potential life partner. He deserved to know all of me.... the bad and the good, the fat and the skinny. And he accepted me regardless.

I wish I could reach out to this young lady. I would like to congratulate her on her journey so far. Losing 100 pounds is a monumental achievement regardless of whether you do it with surgery or without. I wish I could counsel her on how to deal with her food issues in a healthy way that would prevent her from falling back into her old habits like I did. Mostly, I would counsel her to be supportive of anyone on this weight loss journey. No matter how you get to your goal you are working toward being a better person. There is no shame in your game be it surgery, or nutrisystem, or weight watchers, or a personal trainer. It's all about beating this food addiction and becoming healthy again. I wish I could teach her how important it is for other people to hear positive reinforcement rather than scoldings for not doing the weight loss in the way that she believes to  be the "right way".

I wish I could introduce her to 24 year old Heather, and then fast forward to 34 year old Heather... The 34 year old that was trapped under almost 200 pounds of flab. I don't think she would ever understand the emotions and struggles that went into the decision for that Heather to go to a weight loss surgery clinic. You never know until you have been there. I would tell her not to judge a book she has yet to read.

WLS Journal Part 10: Surviving Vacation Food and a Non-Scale Victory

Big news this week. I hit my first major goal weight. Yesterday morning I stepped on the scale and saw 250.0. I have not seen those numbers since my youngest child was a toddler. It feels SO good. 84 pounds gone forever. What feels even better was that this number presented itself to me after 11 days of vacationing in the Smoky Mountains and celebrating the 4th of July holiday with family and friends. 

"How was your vacation? Where did y'all eat?" That pretty much sums up how important food is to an average vacation in the south. I was pretty nervous about this going into our trip. Food is still fun and important to the rest of my family. I didn't want to be the stick in the mud that chugs a protein shake and says, "lets not go out tonight, let's all stay here and eat nuts and cheese." This is my life now. They live with the nuts and cheese girl every night of their lives... when they are on vacation they want the old Heather back. 

So, I had to stuff the new healthy me back into her shell for a little while and go out to eat practically every night for seven nights straight. It was a huge learning experience for me. I've eaten out several times since surgery but usually at restaurants that I know. I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to eat before I walk through the door. This wasn't the case in the life of "lets drive around until we see something good." But, I survived.

Here's a few things I learned:

1. Order water, or no beverage at all. It saves you money on the bill and you aren't going to drink it anyway so get the free. When you don't order a drink you get a crazy look from the server so I just get water and let it sit.
2. Ask about the kids menu. Some places seriously don't mind if you order a child's plate. If it's in giant bold type on the menu that child prices are ONLY FOR CHILDREN UNDER 10 WITH BIRTH CERTIFICATES or whatever then, no, don't even go there. Some places are more reasonable than others and you just kind of get the vibe. Downside to kids plates is that typically they are the most unhealthy things on the menu. I don't want chicken strips and fries. So usually I order the grown up plate and expect to take it with me. 
3. Skip the salad if you order a big entree. I know salads are healthy but if you waste your three bites on leafy greens then your spouse is going to be really mad that you ordered that $40 steak. 
4. Order the best cut of meat on the menu. If you only get three bites make them count. 
5. Portions are HUGE. Don't comment to the rest of your dining companions about how much they are eating. On a related note, don't order the salad off the dinner menu because they literally bring you enough to feed you for three weeks.
6. Slow down. Seriously. Restaurants, especially in touristy places, want to rush you out the door so they can make room for the next patrons. Don't let them do this. Chew til you are tired of chewing and put your fork down between bites. They'll wait. Your family will wait. Enjoy your meal but don't rush.
7. Skip the chips at the Mexican place. 
8. Try not to push your leftovers on your spouse. It's hard but you don't want them to overeat just because you can't anymore. Get the to go box and enjoy your meal another time or two after you leave.
9. Trust your pouch. Your tummy is designed to restrict your eating. Don't try to eat around your restriction. Don't drink with meals. Listen to your body and let your new tummy do it's job.
10. Protein first, always. If you want to splurge on a bite of something Carb-filled and delicious you can, but always eat your chicken, beef, fish, or pork first. 

I didn't always abide by my own advice, but I know now what to expect the next time. I took protein filled snacks with us everywhere we went. The kids and husband enjoyed them just as much as I did. They didn't miss the chips and chex mix that usually accompany our road trips. I packed my protein shakes and had one every morning to stay ahead of the cravings. It wasn't as bad as I worried it would be. 

A bonus to the location of our vacation was that it was centered on getting out and moving. We hiked, tubed in the rivers, swam in the mountain creeks, we did a LOT of walking and I was able to do all of those things because of this surgery and the weight loss that followed. 

My journey so far... from 314 pounds on the left to 250 pounds on the far right.  Always document your journey with photos, you won't regret it.

I have to share we were at a river near Townsend, TN. We had been there for a few hours and were sitting to dry off before we left. I watched a family come down the bank to the rocky beach area and couldn't help but notice the mom bringing up the rear. She was obese. She was cautious about every step. She couldn't keep up with her family and in their excitement they had left her behind. They jumped from rock to rock as they looked for their perfect place to unload their gear. She started to follow them but as she stepped up on the first rock she groaned with what I'm assuming was knee pain. She stepped back down and called for them to go on without her. She put down her towel and sat there, out of breath. She watched her family from afar as they laughed and played. She took pictures and was in none of them. She had on a swimsuit under her cover up but she never took off the cover. She smiled at her kids and her husband but I could see the sadness and regret behind the smile.

I noticed all of this because this woman was me a year ago. I was the mother that watched from the safe spot because I didn't trust my gigantic body to be able to make it out to where the action was. I was hidden under a hot cover up because I was ashamed and worried about what everyone else would think if I took it off. I don't want to miss out on life anymore because of what this disease called obesity does to my body. I'm going to fight every day to not be the mom that can't get out with her kids. 

My husband and I this year versus our anniversary trip to the mountains two years ago. We have lost a combined total of 150 pounds since the pic on the right. I couldn't have ever come as far as I have without his support and encouragement along the way.

On a lighter note after all that fun and food and laziness that vacation brings I came home and weighed in 3.5 pounds lighter, even after the holiday weekend. I probably could have lost more if I had been more diligent about exercising and what I was eating but I'm claiming it as a win. 250 has loomed out of my reach for so many years and now I can't wait to NEVER see it on the scale again. Onederland (for those of you that aren't in the WLS community that's what we call weighing in less than 200s) is in my sites and I can't wait!!

Concerning the Author

I'm torn.

Life as a "Mommy Blogger" might be "just fine." But somehow I want more.... I'm drawn to be the political blogger, the religious blogger, the family blogger and the comedic blogger. I just don't know which blogger I want to be right now.

So I choose to be ALL bloggers. You don't know what you will get with me. I'm like that in real life too for those of you that know me.

Which brings to mind the fact that, not all of you know me. Not all of you know me. I'm a stranger. So let me tell you a thing or two about me.... (see below)

I'm Heddy (aka Heather). I've had that nickname as long as I can remember. When I was a little girl I stayed with my Granny a lot. Granny was my mother's mother. She lived in an apartment adjacent to our house. I could tap on my bedroom wall and she would tap back anytime I needed her. We had our own form of Morse Code.

When I wasn't tapping on my wall I was at her house. She kept her fridge stocked with soda's and candy bars. She kept her bread box stocked with bacon cheddar fries, cheeze-n-crackers and more candy bars. We never wanted for junk-food when we were at granny's house. This is probably the reason I can be a Curvy Girl Blogger as well.

Am  I still confused about my identity? You would think that by now I would know who I am. Maybe I'm a healthcare blogger.... no.... I've been out of that for a while. I don't feel like i should alienate my self with the 'mommy blog' title. I just don't know yet what describes me.

I am an almost 32 year old mother of three blogger. You can do the math. My oldest is almost 14 years old. He's an angel. Maybe I could be the teenage mother success story blogger. I had my second  child two years later... Maybe that makes me the "I'm on the fast track to life blogger." My third child is a feisty curly headed product of my second marriage. She keeps me on my toes and she WILL be the cause of ALL my gray hairs. Maybe that makes me a mommy daughter blogger, or try for second love blogger. I could also review netflix selections for a blog, or maybe just write about how I longed for a vacation home.

But that doesn't really tell who I am either. That tells the mommy blog followers who I am. I am also a registered nurse. I worked hard for that title despite the fact that my marriage was falling apart at the time. I'm a stay at home mom now. I worked hard for that title too. It's an achievement in my opinion. I found a husband who could support my ambitions to be able to stay at home and raise my kids. I know at any moment I can go back to work. I also know that, if the opportunity presents itself I can run for office. I can go back to school, I can teach school, I can do WHATEVER I want to do right now. I graciously thank my husband for that and I'm not ashamed of being grateful.

First and Foremost I am a Christian, I'm opinionated, talented, creative, honest, intelligent, hard working, faithful, fair.  All of that is by the grace of God. I'm also a civil rights advocate living in the middle of a civil rights battleground. I hope that I am fair minded and thoughtful when it comes to political issues. I am staunchly Libertarian as long as being Libertarian doesn't mean that I have to staunchly be anything. I am strongly opinionated in my beliefs whether you like them or not. I will agree with you as long as you successfully prove to me that you are right. I am not afraid to admit when I am wrong as long as I have been proven to be wrong.

I'm new to the blog-o-sphere but I can guarantee you that I will talk about my family. I will talk about my religion. I promise to talk about my political beliefs. I also promise to talk about any social/ethical/economic issues that come to mind. I'm not promising to be your favorite blog, but i promise that I will try.

I am me and only me and I hope that's enough for you.